MINDSALAD

300511. academy selection.

It’s finally becoming real.

Today we got our emails regarding academy rankings at U of T. We have a choice of 4 major geographic areas and their associated hospitals, in which for the next four years, will become home to me. Hospital observerships, clerkships, clinical science labs, research, network connections; they’re all a part of my 50 hour weeks.

I always thought that if it came down to it, I would always pick the one where I believed I would have the best educational experience. But ultimately, the selection I made was based on reputation and convenience. I know reputation shouldn’t matter that much, but it seems I’ve developed pride issues. Undoubtedly, a complex that sprouted from my parents incessant need to always “be the best”.

To be completely honest, as excited as I am, part of me is scared of this all. Some of the brightest people I know go to U of T and even they remark about the intensity of the classes. I’m just not so sure I’m equipped for that yet. This year has been relatively relaxing. It has challenged me in very different ways, but for the most part, I simply do not have the same attention span as I once did. I remember being able to sit in a library 8-10 hours a day. No questions asked. Now I can barely concentrate for more than an hour at a time. Moreover, I’ve never been one to have faith that I was any more intelligent than the next person. What if I just don’t measure up against my classmates?

Just a bunch of weird thoughts running in my head. I guess I should probably focus on finals and just get through the week. Well, that, and being thankful that med school is pass/fail.