MINDSALAD

150811. the end of an era.

Dear Windsor,

Thanks for giving me the opportunity to explore. To grow. To fully understand what it means to be carefree. To drink.

Can’t say I’m not ecstatic to leave. Because I am. I’m glad that I have officially completed my MBA. I’m beyond excited to begin medical school next week.

But you have taught me so much about what it means to be independent. To be faced with new challenges and know that no matter what, I will be able to overcome them.

I grew up shy. And although I thought outgrew those roots over the years, you have taught me what it means to be able to be truly convivial. You have provided me with the confidence to walk up to anyone from any walk of life and believe I have the capacity to socialize about anything. Because of you, I am now able to get up in front of a stage, no matter how large, and have absolutely no fear about delivering a presentation, even if I don’t know anything about the topic.

You have taught me how to carry myself in a manner that people will take me professionally. To walk the walk and talk the talk.

For everything that this year was, I am grateful.

Thank you.

220611. From the words of Dr. Cheung, “it’s all boh-shit.”

You know when you’re fighting that feeling as your eyelids begin to close, your face starts to go numb and your vision begins to cross and blur? That’s been me all week. A few of us in the MBA who are fast-tracking have been partaking in the Windsor Summer Institute of Clinical Health Research to fulfill our last course credit. It’s basically a one-week lecture series about epidemiology and research methods.  The content’s pretty dry. I often struggle to stay awake even with 2 cups of coffee and 8 hours of sleep. Nonetheless, it somehow is still more enjoyable than some of my Consumer Behaviour and Business Communication classes.

Why? I’m sick and tired of learning about common sense. haha. No offense to business majors, but seriously, as I now near the end of my MBA program, with the exception of a couple finance, accounting and strategy courses, I really feel that a lot of this stuff is bullshit. Business is about your ability to express a concept eloquently and elaborately. It’s about stretching a 3 page concept, into a 10 page paper. It’s about making up hypothetical situations and proposing outlandish recommendations that would materialize in a perfect world. It’s about filling in the gaps that should be obvious to everyone, but apparently are not.

But do I regret it? No. It’s kind of been a nice change of pace. Challenging myself to work that other side of the brain and finally understanding what my family always talks about. Besides, if there’s anything that the MBA taught me how to do, it’s how to write fast, and write in abundant quantities. Last year, I struggled to pump out a 8-page, double-spaced paper in a week. This year, I can pump out an 8-page, single-spaced paper in a night. 

This discrepancy in the standards of written communication between science and business was reiterated today:

• Course assignment for this health course: a 5-6 page, double-spaced paper, between a group of 3 individuals. AKA a 2.5-3 page single-spaced paper. That’s laughable.

120411. burn-out.

As everyone begins to post their celebrations of completing undergrad, or finishing exams and beginning summer traveling, I sit here in front of my laptop wanting to rip my eyes out over another report.

August. This graduate program finishes in August.

Everyone always asks, how do you like your MBA in comparison to your Kinesiology undergrad? Well, let’s just say it’s a love-hate relationship. On one hand, I kind of enjoy the fact that I’m challenging myself in new ways. Learning how to analyze risk and build relationships and work in groups with people who don’t necessarily operate in the same fashion I do. I’m starting to finally become comfortable with the fact there’s not always one right answer. That there are several feasible alternatives to a problem and that implementation is often what’s more important. I like the fact that I get to work with the hospital as a consulting group, seeing healthcare and business in action in the real world.

What I don’t like, is the fucking paperwork. Do you understand in undergrad? I had to maybe write, one 10-page paper a year? Right now, I probably write a 10-page paper a week. I hate it. I hate it so much. I hate working in groups and picking up slack for people who write like shit. I hate the fact, that we spend the majority of our class time, hearing about people’s opinions. I hate the fact, that the only thing that matters is that I include some major buzzwords like core competencies, vertical integration, value-added products/service, supply chain management, and strategic planning. I do not kid you, I studied for my HR exam by writing a list of buzzwords, and ensuring that I included them in my essay. I started studying at 11PM the night before, and managed to get the 2nd highest mark in the class. How do you not call that a pile of bullshit?

Secretly, I miss being mentally stimulated. I miss the days where the material was so advanced, that I’d sit in lecture clueless about what the prof was talking about. I miss the days where I was forced to frantically take lecture notes, and go home and review the recording to ensure that I even wrote the right thing down. I miss the days, where I actually wrote an exam that required a lot of thinking, and that I would dread the wait in between, because the release of the marks would finally confirm that I wasn’t a complete dumbass. Right now? This MBA is sort of a joke to me. It’s a lot of work, I don’t deny that. But it’s not hard work. And it’s funny, because it seems there’s a general consensus between all my friends in graduate school.

In my perspective, graduate school is not a test of intelligence. It is a test of your endurance and ability to persist in a fucking mental marathon. 

And I for one, am finally experiencing burn-out.